Ovarian Cysts. Hm. Okay.

So, today, after I had coffee with Maddie at noon, I went to the doctor because I've been having abdominal pain for the last two months or so. My pediatrician, Dr. B, is a splendid old woman, very smart, knows everything there is to know about anything. She'll prescribe you any drugs you need like she's giving away candy; which is why it's good I'm not a druggie, because I could get my hands on anything. But that's not the point.

Not only had I been having abdominal pain, but my upper thighs and my lower back hurt, as well. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I wasn't pregnant, because that's out of the question, so I went in to see if I had, like, a urinary infection. (I research anything and everything on the Internet before going to a doctor because I'm Ms. Medical Problems. Call me Legion.)

She asked me all kinds of questions, because that's what doctors do, took a urine sample (you really didn't need to know that, I'm sorry) and she came to the conclusion I wasn't suffering from what I thought I was. She poked and prodded me until she was almost certain: ovarian cysts.

What is thaaat?? Well, they're fluid-filled sacs or pockets within or on the surface of a woman's ovaries. Sometimes they're only on one side, sometimes they're on both. Mine are probably on both sides, I think, because I'm having pain both places. (But I won't know until Thursday when I get an ultrasound. Exciting, I know. I have to drink 32 oz. of water before I get one and hold it until they're done! Why? I have no idea.)

Treatment usually consists of waiting for it to go away (if it's less than four centimeters), birth control pills (to calm down my hormones), or removal by surgery. Hopefully, I won't have to do surgery because I've read that trigger-happy surgeons sometimes will remove the whole ovary because they can, and that can lead to infertility because you don't have a freaking ovary anymore. I mean, not that my genetics are something I really want to pass off to a kid (4S, flat feet, scoliosis, chronic migraine headaches, bad eyesight, acne, depression, thyroid problems, need I go on?), but I kind of want to have a baby of my own eventually.

Anyhow, I really, really hope they can do something for me because I'm in a lot of pain and am walking around feeling like I need to fall over and/or puke because ovarian cysts cause nausea for whatever reason. Plus, I'm a hostess, and when my back hurts and my thighs hurt, I don't really feel like standing up. I'm not a horse, dangit.

Oh, and before I go, I want to explain to you why I hate getting my blood drawn at the place I have to go to. So, I never have a regular period, and thyroid problems run in my family (for example, my sister was born without one...), and so Dr. B was like, "Hey, let's send you down to the lab and test you for hormone imbalances," a couple months ago.

So, we go down there and there's this really awkward guy named "Colin" who has one of those faces that his mouth never closes all the way, and his big ugly teeth stick out like a rabbit. Not only is he awkward, but he's not very good at taking blood. Like, hello? I am a person, here! I have nerves, dangit! Last time he stuck me in the left arm, but something went wrong, so he stuck my right arm, and it worked. But this huge, ugly amount of blood pooled in my left arm and left this HUGE bruise that stayed for weeks.

Yeah. He took my blood today, too. Only, this time he did it right, and I don't have hideous, painful blemish covering my elbow. I walked in, saw him, and thought, [cue old western showdown theme music] "Ah...so we meet again."