Top of the morning to you all, my beloved bloggers! I hope you have all been having a great week and that God is providing for you in every way that you, personally, need him to be. Up until about eleven-thirty at night yesterday, my day had been kind of a wreak. It was a Pink Shirt day, and by that, I mean every stinkin' time I wear my pink uniform polo shirt to school, I manage to have a bad day.
It started out with a delightful [read: horrible] math test that I didn’t know anything about until we walked into class. I hope, I thought, I’m allowed to use my calculator for these simple matrix calculations, because that's exactly what I'm doing. It was one of those instances where you’re not sure if you’re breaking the rules, but nobody says anything otherwise, so you just don’t ask. Like how if a teacher doesn’t specifically tell me to not use Wikipedia, I totally will.
History was cool, except that I’d totally spaced and not done half of the homework the day before. After filling out this long chart about Roman emperors, we were supposed to read a packet and annotate it about the Martyrdom of Polycarp. In class, he paired us off to talk about it and Jake had to explain the whole thing to me, which was a little bit embarrassing. It was interesting, but I’d kind of wished I’d remembered to do it, you know?
At lunch, the girl who I replaced, Holly, came back for a visit and stayed for fifteen minutes. You can't even imagine how out-of-place I felt. Everyone was jumping around and squealing, “Hollyhollyhollyholly! Omigosh I missed you sooo much! Omigosh I love you! Bleh-di-bleh-di-bleh!”
I stood off to the side, trying to think of what to do with my hands so I didn’t look like a freaking idiot while I watched everyone embrace her. Crossed, behind back, pockets, to the side. Should I go sit with the guys? Should I say anything? Should I not? What if I say something stupid and she thinks I’m an idiot?
So I didn’t say anything at all and waited until she had finally left. But afterwards, all the other girls were suddenly sad and nostalgic. This was hard for me, because I never know how to behave when people act that way. Rachel was quiet throughout Spanish as well, so I tried my hardest to make her laugh or lift her spirits some. I don’t know if I actually accomplished anything, or if she felt any better. But finally, the class was over, and I went to Study Hall.
Usually in my second study hall period, I get to sit in the teacher’s lounge by myself so I can focus and not have to worry about the monitor having gum. But today was different. The people who own the church we hold classes in were using our normal study hall room for something else. So now everyone was in the teacher’s lounge, where I normally get to sit. Then I had to worry about again feeling awkward around the juniors and all of the other kids in that period because I’m the only one who sits entirely by myself. Nobody even made an effort to talk to me. And the study hall monitor had gum that popped as a result of the way she chewed.
I wanted. To die. The only redeeming part of the day was after school when Jake talked with me for a while. But then after I got into the car, Kristen informed me that she was sick and I had to work in her place at the restaurant. So, I had to miss my only cello lesson I’d had in months so I could run around like a chicken seating people, grabbing silverware, and making sure the people on the waiting list didn’t get pissed and leave. The waitress Brittany and the other hostess, Caily, complained about life and vulgar language spewed like a fountain from their mouths.
Later last night when I was laying in bed reading my journal from freshman year (Before Common Blog, BCB), I was again reminded about how the definition of hardship last year and the hardship this year are so much different. I remembered that, you know, things could be worse. I could be at my old school enduring another long year of gum popping and being made fun of. I could be really depressed, or even no longer existing. I thought, you know? I think I can deal with a little awkwardness. This is exactly where God wants me to be.
Then I flipped back in my Bible to my favorite verse, Matthew 6:26, and read through the entire chapter for the first time in a while. I caught something new this time after reading it. It says in verse 31, “… ‘but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.’”Too easily, I can forget what God has already done for me. But just as easily, I know I can lay all my troubles on Him, because he already knows all my troubles and has told me He will give me everything I need if I trust Him. I want to challenge all of you to do the same this week as you face the troubles in your life.
Until then.
