Not Only Do I Have Orthopedic Shoe-Inserts - I Also Have Hearing-Aids. I'm Fifteen.

Yesterday, I learned something that kind of blew my mind: 4S may, in fact, be curable. INSANE, right? Let me start from the beginning.
My mother woke me up at about seven-o-clock and told me that we were going to an audiologist to go look at my ears and talk about my Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome (4S). It turns out that there's a man in Colorado Springs who not only has heard about it, but knows how to treat and hopefully cure it.
First off, he explained to me that we needed to take some hearing tests, he needed to look down my ear canal with a microscope thing that showed up on his computer (so freaking awesome), and he needed to vacuum some ear wax out of my left ear (very painful). So, I was put in a soundproof room after getting my ears cleaned and had to repeat words that he said to me, and also listen to different beep pitches so he could measure how good my hearing was. Turns out mine is weirdly acute.
After he was finished with that, he explained to me what 4S is and how my brain is different from everyone else’s. In everybody’s brain, there is a part that processes sound, and a part that processes anxiety sitting right next to it. Normally, these two regions do not interact. But, in my brain, there are connections and bridges between the two regions, and so they intermingle far too frequently.

What the doctor said one way we can break down these connections is through the use of hearing aids. One type of device used has been developed in Australia, and plays a series of chime-like notes in an infinitely random sequence. If I wear these all the time, whenever I come in contact with noises that trigger anxiety, the part of my brain that is beginning to freak out will relax more so my reactions begin to cease. Eventually, he said, these connections will begin to break down, and I should be able to see a difference in as little as two weeks. In a decade, Doc says, my 4S could be completely eliminated.

The ones I have right now are actually not mine, but the ones that my parents are going to buy for me have a switch on them so I can change the type of chime or white noise and control the volume. They'll also be brown so they match my hair color, and the wire will be clear, so they won't be that noticeable.  

Isn’t that cool? This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for! The only downside? They make my ear canals itch, but I think I can live with that.

100 Happy Things

So, I kind of had a rough day. I got home and read up about things to do when you're down, and one of them was to write out a list of one hundred things that make you smile. And I like making lists, so I did it.

Things That Make Me Happy:
1. Reading a book
2. Drawing a picture
3. Writing about life
4. Sunshine
5. Practicing the guitar
6. Practicing the cello
7. Taking a shower
8. The feeling after you're done crying
9. Playing on the Sims 3
10. Listening to music
11. Eating good food
12. Making CD's
13. Shopping
14. Playing with Boaz (my dog)
15. Snowboarding
16. Helping people
17. Having something to smile about
18. Looking at good photography
19. Having good grades
20. Not complaining about things and just taking things as they are
21. Singing
22. Sitting in my Bat Cave (my semi-furnished crawlspace)
23. Feeling like I'm pretty
24. Having nice things to wear
25. Chewing gum (not around other people!)
26. New pencils and pens

27. New books
28. Wearing pajamas
29. Getting a text message from someone
30. Having Facebook notifications
31. Comments on my blog
32. Fanfiction reviews
33. The feeling of after completing a lot of homework
34. Making something
35. Looking at childhood photos
36. Having a face clear of blemishes
37. Losing a few pounds
38. Oreos (funny how this one directly followed the previous...)
39. Chocolate in general
40. Going somewhere
41. Youth Group (when Ashley’s there)
42. Starbucks
43. Baking/Cooking
44. Educational videos
45. Watching movies
46. Going to the movies and being the only people there
47. Learning new things
48. Doing something with my hands
49. Accomplishing something difficult
50. Praying
51. Reading my Bible
52. Glee
53. Hugs
54. Driving
55. Toy cars
56. Dinosaurs
57. Really cold ice water
58. Warm baths
59. Being left alone

60. Flowers
61. Contacts
62. Doing my nails
63. Playing with my iPod
64. Complete and total silence
65. Riding my horse
66. Taking pictures
67. New music
68. Asian people
69. Speaking in Spanish
70. Coloring
71. Crayons
72. Kids TV shows
73. Babysitting
74. Sheep
75. Candles
76. A clean room
77. When my laundry is all done
78. Garlic bread
79. Just bread in general; carbs!
80. Caesar salads

81. Clean sheets

82. Ostriches

83. Anthropologie

84. Computers

85. Powerpoint presentations

86. Petting the cat

87. AFV
88. Painting walls
89. The library
90. The Dumb Friends League
91. Chips eaten in solitude. (Sounds weird, but...yeah.)
92. Earl Grey Tea
93. Hot Chocolate with whipped cream
94. The smell of the book store
95. Writing letters
96. Mika
97. Great art, like Van Gough, Monet, and Georgia O'Keefe
98. Yo-Yo Ma
99. Sporks
100. Not having a rash

To tell you the truth, it actually made me feel a bit better. So, next time you feel like punching the nearest wall, reach for your computer instead and start typing up words! It's kind of fun. Shortly after I finished this list, my mom and my sister came up to check on me because I refused to eat dinner with the fam, so we just talked, and it was nice.
Tomorrow, my mom and I are going to go see an audiologist who specializes in things like 4S, and he might be able to fit me with a pair of hearing aid-like devices which filter out the bad noises. Don't ask me how, but I'm really hoping this works. Please be praying that my situations at home and at school get better, because I'm not doing so well at the moment with everything in general. Life is kind of coming at me in all directions, and I'm just waiting for the storm to blow over.
Thanks, and I hope you all have a great week :)

Merry Christmas / Happy New Year

So, I’m not dead. I realize I haven’t posted in over a month, which is entirely my fault because I’ve had all of break to post again. Sorry. Like, geez, you’d think I could freaking motivate myself to use the computer for something other than the Sims 3 and Facebook. It has also come to my attention that I promised to post right after Thanksgiving about my Thanksgiving, but now I’m thinking that’s way overdue and you probably all don’t really care at this point.

Anyway.
First of all, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Late Christmas and a wonderful New Year ahead of you. I hope that all of you enjoyed your time with family and friends as you remembered the birth of the Christ and what Emmanuel promised to do for his people, and for all the world. In some ways, my holiday wish isn't late at all - we can remember the day the Savior of the world was sent any time or any hour. "Glory to God in the Highest! And on earth, peace to all men on whom His favor rests."

The highlights of the last month included snowboarding with a handful of kids from my school, seeing a Family Force 5 and Forever The Sickest Kids concert, and our drummer, Brice, ’s Christmas party at his house. (Sorry, wasn't entirely sure how to punctuate that.) Then after I got off school on December 13th, I was free to do whatever I wanted with myself for three whole weeks. The problem with that? I had no plans whatsoever for the first and last week. And, you know, that could kind of be a problem, considering I usually get pretty depressed when I’m all alone by myself. Week One sucked.

The second week of my break, my family and I had made plans to go volunteer over Christmas at InterVarsity’s Bear Trap Ranch to help serve a group of international students for the International House Party. My family got our own room to stay in, which was complete with a loft and several mattresses to sleep upon. We spent the week mainly cooking different international dishes in gigantic serving sizes, sloshing kimchi out of a big glass jar into a bowl (smelled disgusting), and quartering large sheets of sea weed. It was a lot of work, and I didn’t enjoy most of it, but I gained the satisfaction of listening in one night while the students shared what they had learned about God from the camp. Now I think I would even do it again just considering the spiritual growth that happened there. It was great to be part of something so huge!

(Enter comic relief, stage right:) Here's something funny that happened the day before we left for Bear Trap was opening presents a week early: Last year, to mask the fact I had gotten my brother a concert shirt for Christmas, I duct-taped two bricks to the inside of the box and filled it with packing peanuts, placing the shirt in the middle. This year, my brother did the exact same thing to me. He got the biggest dang box he could possibly find and put an entire cinder block inside of it. What did he get me? A capo and an ostrich Beanie Baby. For Kristen's, he placed the gift in a box, and then wrapped it up in about six other boxes, duct-tape everywhere. Glad to know he had fun doing it, right?

My sister and I decided that we would choose our own gifts for each other so that we spent about the same amount of money on one another. This year, I got her the first season of Glee, and she got me the Sims 3. And that totally rhymed. My life is such an epic.

I also had the opportunity to spend time with both of my best buds this Christmas break. The first week, Ashley spend the night while my sister was having her ugly Christmas sweater party. We played Pictionary Man with my mom and Daniel, jammed a bit with my guitar, made candy houses, and were able to catch up for the first time in what seems like months. I can't believe the last time we had a sleepover was during the summer, which says something: Ashley needs to come to my school!



The day before New Years Eve, I was also able to spend the night at Rachel’s house for the first time ever. Man, it was a blast. We even stayed up until five because we didn’t factor girl talk into our bucket list. She and I watched some Glee and a Will Ferrel movie, played some Sims 3, Facebooked, dressed up as Lady Gaga and Kesha to shoot a twenty minute video, and had a great time. Granted, it felt a little juvenile, but who cares? A kid has to be a kid every once in a while. Plus, I freaking love Rachel.

And finally, New Years Eve came. There was no hint of sadness for me in seeing 2010 leave. I’m glad it’s over. The traumas of the first eight months will never my mind, but now I can see this new year ahead of me and think of nothing but hope. I have new friends, a new school, people in my life who genuinely care about me and my well-being. I know that this year will not be perfect, but I don’t think considering my circumstances, it could be any worse than last year.
I actually just finished reading through the Bible last night. Through watching the Israelites and how God continuously punishes them for what they’ve done wrong, but accepts them right back just as they were was encouraging. Reading Jesus’ teachings gave me hope, told me I am loved, and reminded me that no matter what happens to me, God will always love me. He’s taught me that he wants me to trust him because he is the one friend who will never let me down. He’s taught me that there’s a reason for everything that happens, whether good or bad, and that none of it is by accident or chance. God holds the world in his hands, and he sees each and every one of us. He collects my tears in a bottle and walks me through all of my hardships as they come.
Honestly, if God hadn’t been right there beside me throughout 2010, I may not have lived to see a 2011. So because I cannot find the words to describe my gratitude to Him, all I can do is try and honor him with everything I have in me. Let every breath that I take praise the Lord!


Happy New Year.