I nearly jumped out of my jammies as soon as the alarm on my cell phone began to sound at eight-thirty this morning. I grabbed the device positioned comfortably next to my pillow and quickly silenced it, thinking that I’d just sleep five minutes longer. Because I usually set three consecutive alarms to ensure that I will wake up to one of them, I had to repeat this two more times before giving up and deciding to sleep until nine. But the next time I opened my eyes and checked the clock, it wasn’t nine, but ten-thirty.
Some days, I hate myself.
Technically, I don’t have school today, but had wanted to get a head-start of everything anyway, because I knew that I didn’t have a lot of homework to do and wanted to complete all of it today. But, now that that was out, I decided to galumph down the stairs and find a suitable breakfast. An Oreo.
Where in the world is my mother? I couldn’t help thinking as I bit down and walked back upstairs to my room. Though my hair is naturally straight, sleeping on my stomach from eight to ten didn’t do very much good for my bangs, which were sticking up awkwardly in random directions. After trying a few different hairstyles and laughing at myself about how pathetic I was, I thought about sending a picture to Rachel just to show her that I am not, in fact, able to pull off everything under the sun. But I didn't, seeing as I looked anything but attractive at the moment.
The rest of the morning, I struggled to remain focused as I tried to email myself the online link for my Spanish assignment and then print it off on the downstairs computer. My Internet Explorer homepage, however, contains about seven different tabs, one of which is Facebook, so I ran into that obstacle a few more times while completing my task.
In all, I believe I spent two hours this morning trying to calculate the age difference between me and the rest of the kids in my class, looking at Mornings With Brant’s wall photos from CURE International in Afghanistan, and commenting on other people’s statuses. Am I pathetic, or am I pathetic?
By the time my mother had made it back from Bible Study, I hadn’t even noticed her absence. She had a few mini bundt cakes from a shop in Littleton which she and the other ladies at church had been sampling for the Christmas Woman’s Dessert. I am supposed to play cello for it in a few weeks, apparently. Joy, oh, joy.
And now, here I am after I’ve finished my History homework and my Spanish homework typing away at my computer. Last night, I’d been encouraged to put another post up to entertain the other kids at school who now read my blog, and I couldn’t think of anything to post about. And then I thought about band practice and my long conversation with Rachel on the phone last night, and my uneventful/eventful morning today. I’m still supposed to do the dishes, because I was too busy last night socializing to complete them, but haven’t even started. I can’t find my special shoe inserts so my back doesn’t hurt when I do them, but I doubt my mother is going to take that excuse when she wakes up from her nap and remembers my unfinished task.
Yesterday was Tuesday, meaning that band practice wasn’t far away. Every week on Tuesdays, we always stay after school and practice on the stage for two hours. Two weeks ago, we had a fantastic get-together and were able to play and harmonize without much difficulty. Yesterday was different. Due to lack of planning on both Jake and my parts, the rest of the band was uninformed about what we were playing, what the chords and lyrics were, and how the heck we were going to put it all together. And we’d forgotten about the sheet music to the songs we’d originally been practicing.
We’d talked about learning “Hero” by Abandon and figured out the guitar and cello parts to it, but entirely forgot about getting Rebekah to learn the lyrics and/or piano, and Brice, our drummer, who wasn't going to have a part written out.
Also, I’m beginning to think that there needs to be some behavioral structure to our group. I believe I need a whistle or something so that when Bekah is playing The Pink Panther on the piano while Brice is spazzing out on the drums, and Jake is playing some fiddle accompaniment on the guitar, I can get everyone to quit it and focus. It gets a little out of control sometimes. I actually had to smack Jake upside the head at one point.
I was talking to Rachel on the phone afterwards at nine-o-clock and she’d suggested that the next time we get together, we should just sit around and talk about the band. If we’re going to have any structure, everyone needs to agree on things. We still don’t have a name or anything! So I think the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, we are just going to get together and discuss things. Maybe spend some time in prayer, and have some simple worship together with a single guitar. That sounds good to me. (A if you’re in my band, please talk to me and let me know what you think.)
Later after school, as I said, I talked to Rachel on the phone for almost two hours. I kind of just felt like I needed to have a conversation with someone that day, and since I can relate to this girl so well, I thought I’d call her up. Lately, I’ve been dwelling too much on how my 4S is progressing angrily and getting much worse than it has ever been before. I’ve gotten so I can’t really eat with my family at dinner anymore without having to listen to my iPod. I’ve also foiled just about all of my family’s Thanksgiving plans to go see a play or a Christmas movie because I can’t stand being in a crowd of people. I’ve told them over and over again that they should just go anyway and leave me at home, because I don’t want to interfere with them having a good time as a family, and I can stay home and watch a movie in the quietness of the basement while they go to a theatre full of people munching on popcorn. So, obviously, I’m getting very frustrated with existing. As I’ve said before, it’s not reasonable for me to commit suicide, but I still think about it a lot. And, you know, now that I have a blog which everyone I know is reading, I feel like I can’t really say that anymore. (But, point taken, I am posting it now. I'm not entirely sure why. You're all big kids and can handle it, right?)
But the yesterday, I just needed to say all those things to someone. And since Rachel has 4S, too, she’s also the only other person in the world who understands what I’m talking about and was able to give me some good advice. I love how we're so similar in just about every aspect of our lives, and that she can always me feel like I'm not completely bizarre.What are the odds that God would just put someone like that in my life so suddenly when I need it?
Steph,
ReplyDeleteAre you okay? I know that it's hard to relate to me, but if you ever need anything contact me and I'll do whatever I can.
Oh, and I'll need to listen to this band of yours sometime :)
-Nikki