Me and Music + The Monster Living in Me

It's a funny thing, music. To me, it's something different to what others see it as. Some people think they like music, but they don't know the half of what it means to truely enjoy it. I live and breathe melodies. Lyrics are my oxygen, and blaring guitars fuel my fire.

Go down to the very bottom of my blog where my music box is. Do you see it? Good. Press the "pause" button.

Alright. This is a song by Skillet that didn't have meaning to me until this weekend until I listened to the lyrics and realized it totally discribed me living with 4S and how I try to hide it from every one.
Press play and read along with the lyrics.

The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it
It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!

I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up
And break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!

I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster

It's hiding in the dark
It's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!

I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster


I'd thought about how I really feel like I am some sort of monster all of the time. Like, I can't really help anything I do anymore. I keep it caged and hidden from everyone else, but I can't control it. I want everyone to leave me alone because I'm afraid they'll find out about this beast living inside of me and not want to accept it. I want someone to save me from it and make it end, but I know that nothing will make that happen. I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life.